Good evening, Celebrate Recovery, my name is James. I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with many sinful natures such as cocaine addiction, alcoholism, criminal activities, lust of the flesh, and much, much, more.

I was born and raised in Springfield, Mo, and had 8 other siblings. My mother taught me that treating others with respect and taking care of your family and responsibilities were top priority. Our family went to church every Sunday until I was about 9 years old. I then continued to attend with my aunt Margaret each Sunday until the age of 11. My mother and father separated when I was about 5. My mother raised all 9 of us on her own. She worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs at a time, which left my next to oldest sister responsible for cooking meals, getting us off to school, etc.

At the age of 11, I began wanting some of the things that the other children had like extra lunch money. I also had a bad habit with candy. I just had to have it. So I started stealing it right up until junior high school. In 8th grade I really took an interest in girls and marijuana. This lead me to try to impress the young girls by having weed, booze, and brand name clothes that were worn in the late 70's.

I began committing burglaries, stealing cars, and snatching purses at the age of 14. I was caught for car theft, purse snatching, and several burglaries in which I only received a light talking to and a week’s stay in juvenile detention. I began having sex and got a girl pregnant when I was 15 years old. In 1980, the girl and her family moved to Kansas when my son was 6 months old. It wasn't long before I was doing a lot of criminal activities such as burglaries, passing bad checks, promoting prostitution, and every other scheme that I could come up with.

I began using cocaine at 16 years old and that was the start of a destructive and dishonest life. I found myself doing distasteful things to people to get money for drugs. Lying to my mom and aunt, and even stealing from some family members (that still to this day don't know it was me). I ended up with my first prison sentence in 1984 and have been back to prison 8 times since then for burglary, forgery, robbery, distribution of cocaine, possession, and several parole and probation violations. While in prison, I always read the bible and said I was going to change, but never took God out of the gate with me, nor do I think I really ever intended to.

In 1989, I got my girlfriend pregnant, with my now 20 year old daughter. I haven't seen my daughter or her younger brother, my 18 year old son born in 1991, since 2004. These two children, along with my first born son, are my heart. I have let them down so many times that they now won't believe anything I say to them. I also let my mom down. She never got to know what her son was capable of and how much she was an inspiration for how I really wanted to live my life. She died in 1996 after a bout with cancer. After my use of cocaine started in 1980, my life has been on a downward spiral with disaster after disaster...living in motels, drinking, shooting or smoking cocaine was all I had done for the past 29 years. That is, being anytime I was out of prison.

I'm a cook and I've worked at many restaurants, but I still managed to put cocaine first. In 1997, my current wife, Samantha, and I were on cloud 9. We decided it was time for a change. Knowing that I had to serve for a parole violation once I was caught, I vowed to her that I would change and give up drinking and drugs. I was caught after 7 months of meeting Samantha. I went back to prison and was released on Labor Day, 1999. I then had to complete a 12/12 program as part of my sentence. I immediately found a good job and began working as a cook at Steak-N-Shake that would last 4 years. I still continued drinking and getting high even though I was working 20 hours a day, 7 days a week. I had a new Jeep and a new home with all of the trimmings.

Samantha and I lost a child each year in 2001 and 2003. This was very hard on Samantha and I. Our life and marriage spun out of control. She then left me for a supposed friend of mine. He introduced her to cocaine. We lost our house, car, and all of our other possessions. When she came back to me after 3 months, we then both had a habit. It wasn't long before we hit rock bottom. For the next 3 years, all we did was hustle and steal to get high.

In 2007, I went to jail and when I was released, Samantha was out of control. I told her that I couldn't live that way anymore. I prayed to God for Him to deliver us from this. For the next few months, I would steal and do whatever it took so that I could make her happy. I didn't want her in the streets. In May of 2008, we were both charged with 2nd degree robbery and 2nd degree assault stemming from an incident at a grocery store.

Separated from my wife, and having lost everything I had, I felt helpless and miserable. I immediately turned to God and asked for His forgiveness. I began to read my bible and did a life searching inventory deep down inside to figure out what I really wanted in life. I knew this was rock bottom. I asked God to guide and direct my life in the direction he wanted it to go. I was then blessed with this one year treatment program with an 8 year back up. Arriving at Ozark Correctional Center, I was immediately made aware of a program called Celebrate Recovery by two men named Joe and Kelly that inspired me to join.

Since joining CR, I've met several individuals that are serious about their recovery. Celebrate Recovery has allowed me, through the 4th and 5th steps, to work on a lot of issues like trust, patience, and persistence. I realize now how beneficial it is not only to forgive others, but to forgive myself. I've always known God and believed that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I always thought because I had a good heart and would help others that would be enough to enter into heaven. I now know that faith without works is dead. I've learned that to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to anger is God giving me tools to think before I act. CR has shown me an avenue through fellowship, prayer, and my small group to release a great weight off of my shoulders by dumping the garbage out of my past. It has also shown me ways to make amends when possible.

There are many great benefits that Celebrate Recovery has to offer; from the Volunteers in Corrections (VIC'S) that come in and give their time to those of us that society have turned a deaf ear to, help with home plans, sponsors, and it gives us inmates a fighting chance to change our lives. Not only are we able to change in jail and prison, but we are able to continue with this program on the outside.

I am now very close with many brothers in Christ through Celebrate Recovery. I am a new person today. I now have patience. I also have a fresh new start with a church ministry once I leave OCC in January of 2010. My walk with God is improving every day. I'm taking many things I've learned from CR, like using my sponsor to the fullest, and remembering that God will work out all problems and situations if we allow Him to do His will and not our own.

For any new comers, I would tell them to be honest and to get all of the things in their past out in the open through their steps, especially the 4th and 5th steps. It is important to stay focused on God's word and prayer. When you don't want to be in prayer or attend church, it is usually the best time to do so.

Overall, CR has given me an opportunity to improve my relationship with God and realize that there are still good Christian organizations that are still willing to help people. People like me, who are not bad, but are just individuals that make a lot of bad choices in life. I thank you for listening to my testimony. Remember this...

John 1, 3:16: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life.